hm

well i guess im writing here cause i dunno where else to go, cept to myself, or to whoever ends up reading this...well really its mself, talking to myself. for a very long time ive always felt that whenever im sad, im the only one i can rely on...to make feel myself better, its always the case...as even it is now. idunno whether to b sad angee or indifferent about that fact. the fact just is... and i haf nothin to say about it. i often look for council within others, and find mysef counciling them. *sighs* its at times like these i wish i could just b freed from everything, because cryin hurts too much. it just hurts.
hourse ago..i remember...i remember a smile planted on m lips..i remember deep satisfaction within myself..i remember being proud..that i had actually begun to work harder...i remember being able to laugh..fully. now, my eyes r so burdened, that they can hardly stay open, and my heart is so dead...that i feel no determination to force me to sleep. i dun understand wat led me to being like this. it started out wid being lectured, about how i play ro too often, even tho...i had finished my work...even tho...i talk much less about it now...i thought to make everyone happy, and ended up making everyone sad..somehow.................because im...........stupid. i dunno ne other explaination. i dun see ne other way I COULD MAKE SOMEONE ANGRY AT ME AT EVERY TURN I TAKE....at every decision i make!!! and every way i try to make that person happy. i disapoint them! and get accussed of hurting others...of being "inconsiderate"when im giving up SO MUCH for this one person.....................................................................................-_- so much. i fail, u all, ive failed so many times, so many times, repeatedly, i fail u all, i will always fail, when will i not? when will SOMETHING i do b right for once? when will ne thing i feel ne thing i want b benificial to others, to *him* idunno....watever the fuck.........u_u idunno........w/e i dunno wat to say BLAHWQORPhpohqp2o3t1p423otj234ojr2rj3i fits best.

~HoSHi

O_O

yeah well, turns out im REALLY sscrewed for school AHAHAHEHEH!!.........x_x.............i haf ta fail math, and if i dont "follow my plan" by next week, it's *cut throat* for me and ill hafta fail yet ANOTHER cours.e......x_x........................ne who

life is meh meh meh, i mean ive had to reduce myself to playing ro only on suns and tues.....T_T but yeah...wat can i do? i neeeeedd to "kick" myself into gear....................*mumbles* so soon im going to mizu's house to work n' stuff..and i hope jade decides to come too?

well, i dunno wat else much to say, jade tells me i dun tell her about my "life" but there isnt *much* to tell, ye kno? lolz like i mean, it's all the same.....^.^ i guess? well blah, if ne ting "big" happens ill write it here xD kk?

oo...and i haf this habit of not reading ppls blogs if their's a lot of homework mentiooned in it T_T...soo yeah, im sorry!! ><

well, ye, ^___^

~Hoshi